Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
