Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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