Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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