I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
