i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize