Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
