I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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