You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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