i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
