Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
