I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
