I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
