someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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