Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
