ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
