I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
