Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
