I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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