I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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