You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't deserve a penis
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
