the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
