I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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