the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
