Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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