ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
