Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
