i think i have two assholes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
