everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
