3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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