To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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