So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
