i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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