she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize