so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my poor anus
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
