I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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