Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
