guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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