did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will be naked everywhere
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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