my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
