Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
