I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
