who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
