oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
