I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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