you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
