bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
