He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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