It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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