I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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