I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
