Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
