You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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