I molested 6 butterflies tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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