im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
In the future we'll all be gay
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
