My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
