we're blogging at a bar
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
MIDGETS
????
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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