It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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