but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
