Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you had me at cake vodka
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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