He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
