So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cannot find my penis.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
