I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
