Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
