i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
