I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize