im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
