Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
