we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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