just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
