Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm like, not good at living.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
