why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
