Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
