I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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