pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
