Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize