You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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