i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
