I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize